Unexpected Surprises

I can't exactly remember where I left off, I suppose I could check but I'm to lazy. Did I mention when I went walking on the peer with Nelson and Denia, and a Honduran guy asked me to marry him and when I ignored him, he jumped in the ocean and swam along side it? Nelson and Denia got a kick out of it. Then when he left it was just my luck to see him walking randomly down the street again about 2 hours later. That was fun. It's been quite the week. Right now I'm relaxing at Guapos restuarant with the breeze blowing on possibly the most beautiful day I've seen since I've been here, listening to some Tracy Chapman. The sun was shining right onto the normally gray Caribbean water and turned it a light shade of aqua blue and the whole thing is simply beautiful. I'm alone which is rare, just sipping a coke and reflecting.

Zoe, a new volunteer from England arrived on Monday so I spent a few days showing her around. It has been a very laid back time at the hogar. We did two english classes and tried to get some arts and crafts together to fill time and keep the kids busy. I think sometimes Zoey and I enjoy the crafts more than the kids. On Wednesday I was contemplating going to bed and then decided I should probably check my email. Cristy had sent me an email telling me that the next day, 6 new people were coming to stay at the house. Surprise! I looked over at Zoe and told her and we both spent the next hour and a half cleaning, straitening up etc. The house actually looked pretty good when we were done. In the evening the new volunteers arrived. They are from the states, and a little older, but it's kinda nice to have a full house. They're just here for a week and are helping with the new construction site. Cristy had come with them to get them all settled and we got to talking, and she informed me kind of casually that we are moving houses. I kind of did a double take. This was starting to feel like 'home'! When I asked when, she said sometime next week! Surprise #2! The new house is going to be in a completely different neighborhood which is closer to the hogar and more secure. It's also closer to the Congrehal river. It has seven rooms so its bigger as well. At first I was pretty bummed because I like being basically in the center of the city but the more I think about it the better I think it will be. So now it's just time to get ready for the move. (An ice cream man just showed up so I can add eating delicious ice cream to my surprise list). Anyways, later that night Zoe went out to buy some groceries and when she came back she opened with "you'll never  believe what I just saw!". She told me she saw a truck full of camels and zebras and deer etc. At first I thought she was kidding, and then she added that after that came huge trucks stacked with cages and in each cage was a lion or tiger and she was right there and this caravan of animals just randomly passed her on the street. How cool would that have been?! Anyways, what it means is that the Circus is in town!! Needless to say I believe we shall hopefully be taking some of the kids to enjoy! I'm excited for sure. Surprise #3.

This weekend I had to make a choice. Denya had invited me to go to her cousins quinceniera in Tela, about an hour away, on Saturday night. Unfortunately, Saturday was also the night of the Hogar end of the month/ birthday celebration. In the end I decided to go with Denya and her family because it was something new and different and I'm really glad I did, but still feel bad for missing the fiesta. I helped Danelia make balloon decorations the night before which was fun. I'm so glad that I get along now better with Danelia. She is the director of the hogar and when I first arrived I was so intimidated by her. I still am a little bit because it's hard to tell sometimes if she's angry at you or not, but I think she approves of me now. She does such an amazing amount of work every day and I respect her so much for it. I think raising 22 kids makes her have the somewhat strict countenance that she does, which is obviously understandable. It was hard though to tell her I wasn't coming to the fiesta because I do want her approval. On Saturday morning, Glenda came to get me at the volunteer house and we went to meet Denia, Nelson and the three little one's, Daniela, Carlitos and Sylvia at the bus terminal. The seven of us hopped onto a bus for Tela and off we went. I didn't get to see all that much of Tela itself because where we were headed was a little community called La Esperanza which is inland down a dirt road. From what I did see though, it will definitely be worth a return trip to take in some beach. We got to their cousins house at about noon. The people of La Esperanza are much like those of La Herradura (the jungle) in Ceiba; poor. It was very pretty back in the town though. There are a few main streets, and it is more like a town mainly because the land is flatter and houses are closer together. There are a few main blocks of houses that the people told me were built by a Canadian group and really helped to turn the squater settlement into and actual town. From there the  houses spread out, and the uncles houses was more at the edge. It was maybe half the size of Geny's house, with the kitchen located in a small overhang area outside.The soccer field however was right next door, so it didn't take long for us to put down our bags and head up to play a little futbol. The field was all this type of red, damp clay so after about half an hour we were all filthy. The kids from the town came up to and I got to meet a multitude of cousins.  The girls took to me immediately and after soccer we just had fun walking around and talking and laughing. Glenda made a delicious lunch (all of her food is soooo good) and as always gave me a portion way bigger than she should have. After, we went on a short walk and I had no idea where we were going until I saw a few crosses in the grass. We were at the grave yard, and they led me to a certain cross and slighly marked area. Denya, Paola, Geny and Paco's mother was buried there. I truly can't imagine loosing my mother. Denya was slightly out of sorts the whole time, and I think that might have been why. Being so close to her mother brings back all the loss that she tries to bury. After clearing the grave site off we headed back and I spent a little time relaxing in the hammock and playing with Carlitos, the cutest chubby four year old, and then washed up for the fiesta. We all headed out at five to the house where it was. The decorations were gorgeous! They did so much. The family had cut palm fronds and made an arch to walk through. There were two rows of tables with little pink balloon centerpieces, a balloon arch at the end and then the DJ's area with some big speakers. Denia brought me to meet the birthday girl and she looked absolutely beautiful. She was just putting on her make up and I was worried that it was kind of akward to bring a perfect stranger in, but when she finished she stood up and smiled and said 'Kyla!' and gave me the biggest hug like she had known me for ages. That's how it was all night. The family all knew who I was and I was greeted with nothing but smiles and in a way I truly feel like I've found another family and been accepted into theirs. Brenda (the birthday girl!) had a pink dress on with a full skirt, hair perfectly curled and tied up and makeup done beautifully. She insisted right away to take a picture with me. She's so sweet and she's coming to live with Geny's family this week to study at the colegio!

At about seven everyone went to the Catholic church for the service. I had never been to a quinceniera before so it was fun to watch the senoritas (my new girl friends from earlier) all dressed up and walking down the aisle, followed by Brenda. The pastor talked for quite awhile and then we went back to the house to eat and dance. The food was delicious and everyone kept asking me if I was going to dance. Well, I never was really sure, and I wasn't on the dance floor as much as I expected. Mainly because my immediate family (Denya, Glenda, Nelson etc) didn't want to dance and it was for sure different. First of all there was probably a 3:1 guy to girl ratio and I didn't really want to dance with anyone I didn't know. Not that I wasn't asked enough. I was definitely a show piece for the town. Probably 10 different guys asked me to dance, some of them way too persistently. There was one guy who was quite drunk and about every 5 minutes he would come up to me and ask again. They really don't know the word no. But I wasn't overly bothered. It was mostly amusing and verged into annoying only a few times. I did get pulled out to dance three or four times but quickly returned. It didn't help that I didn't know the music, but it was still a good time. I mostly watched as the few couples did the punta, which is a Honduran dance, and talked to Nelson about girl troubles. At about one o'clock Denya and I went to bed. They gave us what I'm pretty sure is the nicest bed in the house and we eventually fell asleep. There was some interesting occurances with one of the drunk guys trying to find the blond girl, but I was never really worried. They would never let anything happen to me. In the morning we got up, got ready, I was again fed too much, and waited for a ride to take us down to Tela to grab the bus. During that time I just was thinking. There is such an amazing sense of family here. Families stay together, or when they are separated almost everyone goes to, for example, a cousin's quinceniera. If one of them needs help, another steps in, even if they themselves are in the middle of hard times, as they almost always are. Everyone can point out cousins, aunts, uncles, grandparents and proudly introduce them when you pass. To know all of one's family is almost to become part of it. It made me think what a challenge it must be for the hogar kids, which such an emphasis on blood relationships here, to live as they do, or for anyone without the support of their family. It is important in the states but I don 't think the states are anything compared to here. In a way, what else do these people have? Their family is there lifeblood, so of course they stick together. A taxi ride and bus ride later, we arrived in Ceiba and one of the uncles was waiting with his motor bike and offered to take me home. I figured why not, first time on a motorcycle sounds good, so we went zooming through the streets and now I am here, writing on the beach because it was to beautiful day to let pass by. The little surprsies are the best.

A little overwhelming at times

My  power outage lasted two night, and was indeed caused by an unpaid bill. I spent a night at David's beautiful house and was glad I got to say hi to his wife, Anton. The next two days, instead of spending them alone, I invited Denia over, and for the second night Nelson as well. Denia is 17 and Nelson is 16, so the two of them are much more like friends which is nice sometimes. Denia and I worked on some English and she translated several kids books which was really impressive I thought. We also saw the movie Tangled in Spanish, which I thought was absolutely adorable. We had lots of time to talk, and I took the opportunity to probe into her life a little more, or as much as I thought would be okay. I like to know as much as I can about people and how they live and have lived. I learned that her grandmother had 12 kids in all, with 7 surviving. 3 of her aunts and 2 of her uncles alll live close by in the houses near the jungle school. Almost the entire family is together in a little community. Her mother died four years ago, but Denia doesn't know from what. Her father was never a part of her life. She is the oldest of four siblings, but each of her brothers and sisters (besides Paola and Paco) had a different father. She told me that is how it is most the time. With her aunts who live with her, each has kids of their own and that is how it is. They keep it a secret. Her aunt Yessenia had epilepsy, so she is unable to work. Her aunt Glenda has a one year old she needs to care for, so she can't work. They are supported by money that two of her uncles give to her grandmother, and by whatever David can supply to them. She is in school right now and at the top of her class. She has always told me she wants to be a doctor, but I asked what school she wanted to go to, she shook her head and told me that she probably won't get the chance. She will have to get a job to be the only one working in the family. She likes school, but after her two years the she has left, that's most likely it.

I've been wondering a lot what I'm here for. What am I accomplishing? I'm not really teaching English. I'm no teacher. The activities I arange for theh kids, how will they really help? I try really hard, but it's almost impossible to see any difference. It's frustrating at times, when you don't really know if your helping or hindering more. I want to be of use and measure my success in some quantifiable way, but the whole nature of my experienc makes that impossible. More than anything, I'm just hanging out with the kids. Someone told me to just soak in the experience and take as much in as I can. Maybe that's what I should focus on doing, and not put to much pressure on myself to be the perfect teacher. I should be assessing needs and trying to open a window into the lives of most of the worlds population. I need to see what they need and how to help. Is it better to offer opportuinities for a few to exit from poverty? Or to accept that most people will continue to live as they always have, and provide services to them to ease the pain of their lives? It's an interesting quesiton.

I don't know, but I'm exhausted. Today was quite tiring, and I can't really even point to what we did. Classes were in the morning, followed by lunch, nap and then assisting with computer classes. A new volunteer came yesterday, so I've been showing her around. I'm glad she's here so I'm no longer all alone. I think it's a bit overwhelming for her right now, but I hope that she will like it! She's very nice so that was obviously a relief to find out. She says she's a little overwhelmed right now with everything, and who can blame her. I often still get overwhelmed. During the day yesterday we didn't have classes because I was helping distribute clothes and take siszes for the new uniforms for the kids. Each kid gets one set that they have to wash every night and let dry for the next day. I can't even imagine having to wash my clothes everyday and wear the same thing day in and day out. In the afternoon I did a miny lesson with about 8 of the older Hogar kids. It was a million times easier that teaching an entire class. I think I've decided that I like working with individuals a lo more than large groups, but the second is very necessary, because if they don't have anything to do, then they get in trouble. I am so glad I don't have to be in charge of discipline. Danelia and the tias have the hardest job in the world. 24 hours a day, being a mother for 22 kids who all have extremely dark or violent backrounds. They must mold them into people who can take care of themselves. I can't but help think about back home, and the difficulty that people have with one or two kids. It's crazy. I want to write about life at the hogar but am too tired to tonight, maybe soon. good night all

A different lens

Everyone has a diffierent lens to look at the world. Some people see it as a place of luxury and fun where they have been put on top to enjoy it's pleasures. Others see it as somewhere dangerous where everyone and everything is out to get them. Some see it as only a passing phase, a walk to trudge through until the promise on the other side arrives. There are millions of lenses. My lens is that of injustice and unfairness. The more I look, the more dissatisfied I become. And to a point, the more helpless I feel. We live on a planet where the richest 20% of people account for 3/4 of the worlds income. That leaves 80% living on only 1/4 of all the wealth in the world. Thousands of kids whose lives should just be beginning, die from disease and neglect. I see this and it makes me so frustrated. I want everyone to have the childhood I did, and the access to resources that I do. It's so difficult to face the facts that it will never happen. I try to turn myself around and look at what I can do to help, and I am overwhelmed. There is too much unfairness, and the problems are too big. There are millions of kids lacking education, millions of people dying of treatable diseases, simply too many people. How can anyone truly make a difference? What is the best way to approach the problems that are everywhere? Is it political, to send change from above? Is that the fastest way to change things? Or is it better to educate individuals so that they can in turn educate others? But that method is so much slower and never fool proof, and requires so much money and resources. Education is such a fickle thing. I can see it here. The kids have a lot to gain from being able to read and write and do math, but how many of them are actually going to leave their homes and the places they were raised to find a job that will make them more money? How many boys are still going to leave school after 6th grade to work, grow up a laborer and have trouble feeding their families? How many girls are still going to get pregnant too soon and have a newborn baby to care for? Some people may say that it's okay that they live how they always have, because it is a simpler life and they are accustomed to it, but they all know that there is an easier life out there, where they don't have to watch their children die because they can't get medical care, or work day in and day out to haul wood and water to their dirt houses in the mountains. I want to give these kids the world, but I don't even know how to do that with they few that I see everyday. I feel stretched by limited supplies when I want to do a craft. I feel constricted by a lack of people to help each kid with their work. Yet what they are getting is better than what they would have without any help. I just feel so much that it's not enough. I think of how some kids in the states are doted on from the moment they are born, who have mothers who stay home just to stimulate their minds and help them with their work. How are these kids ever going to compete. And even if they do, what about all the thousands of others who are lacking the same thing? The world mandates that someone has to be the laborers, and it's only the luck of the draw to say which those are.

It's overwhelming. I open my mind and all of this comes crashing in, so I almost need to narrow it to avoid the paralaysis that these thoughts cause. I need to act somehow, and do something. I need to set little goals that are achievable. Help Enis learn long division, work with Daniel so that he can learn more English. These things will help. These things will give them a foundaiton. That's all we can do. We can't completely control anyones life. We can just give them a base to work off. I wish I could divert the path of wealth in the world but obviously that doesn't happen.

Things would be so much easier if I could just ignore all the problems and injustices I see, and live my life out comfortably within the protection of my american shell. I feel like this is appropriate -"The world is full of miserable places. One way of living comfortably is not to think about them or, when you do, to send money." -Tracy Kidder. I'm not saying I would forget everything, but I could work at my life and my job, take trips to places and send money where needed. Which is, of course, everywhere. I would be happy, with a family of my own and a life of probable comfort. I've been reading too many books about people who make a difference. Greg Mortenson from "Three Cups of Tea" who devoted his life to building schools in pakistan. Paul Farmer from "Mountains beyond Mountains" who created a medical clinic in Haiti, and then convinced the world to treat impoverished people with second line TB drugs. I want to help and work towards something so worthy, but I feel like I'm not brave enough or good enough. I don't have the capability, and I would be scared to go without the security of a traditional job. I couldn't pack everything up the way they do. Where am I going to go? What am I going to do? I frankly have no idea. So for now, it's better that I focus on the small.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=WpYeekQkAdc

It's always something

I am officially back in Honduras! Safe and sound. I had a few mishaps getting here but all turned out well. At this moment however the volunteer house has no power. I am relatively sure that the company cut the power, which makes me unsure if Cristy paid the bill.... I would much rather have satisfaction in the knowledge that the entire neighborhood is out, which would at least allow me to hope that it will come back on, but no- my neighbors house is glowing like a Christmas tree. Awesome. So I have no access to Internet for the night, no tv, and no one to keep me company. I guess I'll read. Which I am more than happy to do. I also still don't have gas so I can't cook anything, and my plan to use the microwave was obviously foiled. Looks like its peanut butter for dinner. I am bummed though that the milk and veggies I just bought will probably spoil. Looks like peanut butter for the morning too.

My last days in Costa Rica were very enjoyable. I didn't make it out to the beach, but we went to a third volcano called the Poas and I could see inside the crater perfectly. It was super neat because the pool in the crater was spewing steam. I kept imagining the column of lava that lays underneath it. Kinda exciting. On my last day I had some time to read and relax, drive up to a super high point above the central valley where there were picture perfect views of the city and cow pastures and everything, ate some amazing food and then headed to the airport. In a summery, my time in Costa Rica consisted of Rainbows, Waterfalls and Volcanoes. I even had a rainbow to send me off as I drove towards the airport. At the entrance I tried to pay my exit fee with my card, but it was denied. I was thinking, shoot the company cut it off because I didn't tell them I was going to Costa Rica! Jorge was so nice and paid it for me, and then I went into the airport to wait, because I was a tad bit early. I checked my account and  there was exactly $2.10 in my account. No wonder it was rejected. 4 days before I had received an email saying that my mom transferred funds, so I assumed they were in my account, but as it turns out it takes three days to process and the past three days had been a weekend and then a holiday. At this point I got a little worried, because in my wallet I had about $3.00 worth of Lempiras, so in all $5.10 to my name. ( feel free to check my math). When you are traveling that is never a good thing, and as it turned out it wasn't. My trip back to Honduras was probably the worst planned travel leg I have ever made. I didn't bring a phone that would work in Honduras, I didn't have my keys, I didn't have the phone numbers of people I would need stashed somewhere, and I was operating on a single email that said they would get someone to pick me up at the airport at nine at night when my flight got in, but never confirmed who. So when I got into San Pedro Sula it really shouldn't have been a surprise that no one was there to pick me up. I wandered around a little bit, fished for phone numbers, and then tried to figure out what to do. Normally I wouldn't have had a problem, because I could take a taxi and get a hotel for the night, but since I had no money that wasn't a choice. I tried to call Cristy (who is on a mission and therefore unavailable- which also doesn't help my power outage problem) but that didn't work. Lenner didn't answer either. So I stood around waiting for something to present itself. Normally I wouldn't consider that the best strategy, but as it turned out it worked. My fuzzy plan was to try to find a cab with the three dollars I had to take me to the Hilton where I could either convince them to rent me a room and let me pay in the morning when my mom transferred funds, or have them help me get a hold of Lenner. When everyone was clearing out someone came up to me and said that I looked lost. Well, I kind of was. He was from New York and had his whole family there, and was waiting for an uncle to get off the plane. He offered to help and recommend a hotel, so I went over to see what his family recommended. They passed my test of whether I should trust them because first it was a family, second they were obviously waiting for someone, and third I had a gut feeling it was okay. So when they offered to give me a ride to the Hilton I figured it was safer then taking a random taxi, which I wasn't even sure I could secure with 3 dollars. To me, they were basically a God send. Someone was watching out for me that night and an opportunity somehow presented itself. They let me use a phone where I got ahold of Nancy and told her I was headed to the Hilton. She said she would call Lenner, and to call when I got to the hotel. I was thinking she would pick me up from there. The family turned out to be Chicken farmers, and were very kind and funny. They dropped me off and I went in to see what would happen next. I was ready to bargain for them to let me stay the night, but Lenner had already set up a room for me. They asked my name, handed me a key and I went right up. Once there I could relax a little. Things had turned out almost as good as they could have. I'm not saying that I'm proud of planning things as I did, but it worked. My next step was to get a hold of my mom. I had no money to make a phone call, and of course the Internet cost money. I went downstairs and eventually convinced the guy to let me use  the hotel computer. Facebook is very much my friend. The chat wasn't working, but I sent a little post out for someone to help me contact my mom or sister, got two responses in a minute, my sister messaged me and then she told my mom to sort out the money issue. She deposited the money in the morning, I went to the atm, grabbed a cab to the bus station and hopped right on. Finally.

Since I didn't have keys, I went over to the hogar first. Oh my gosh it is good to be back. Hahah as I walked up to the gate, Carlos ran up and screamed out "es Kyla es Kyla!!!!". A huge smile lit my face, and I was impatient for them to unlock the gate. I gave lots of hugs to the 6 kids who were there, because the rest were on an outing. Later I played basketball with Carlos, and Littlest Petshop with Paola. After about 3 hours the rest arrived and Rosa gave me a huge hug jumping up and down. Haha hugs for everyone, and then I settled back in to normality. I delivered Natalie's letters to Gerson, and he kept her picture of her family close and out of harm. He told me that he missed his Madrina a lot, and Ethan also. All the kids related to me how they ate tamales for Ethan's going away party. Just thinking about it makes me sad. It's so strange to be in the house alone! Especially without light hehe. I was so tired when I got back yesterday which made me semi grumpy. I was feeling funny and maybe missed my family a tiny bit. But I skyped my sister last night and after that, the feeling passed, coupled with watching Mama Mia. Its very difficult to be sad while watching that. And today I feel much myself again, and happy to be here.

It rains in the rain forest

I took a road trip to see a volcano! We left on Thursday morning to visit Volcano Arenal, which is the second most active volcano in the world. Unlike most volcano's, it is supposedly a perfect cone, and during the day when it's clear you can see smoke rising from it, and at night you can even see the lava. Supposedly. I never technically got to see it unfortunately, because as I found out it rains in the rain forest. A lot. We stayed in a nice hotel that advertises volcano views, and it never cleared up. It was a slight bummer but I didn't mind all that much. I still had a really fun time because the country is beautiful. It just means I'll have to come back sometime. To get there it was about a 5 hour drive. We left early because of the traffic from Palmares, which is the second largest beer festival in the world, but still hit plenty of the traffic. I enjoyed the drive because the country is beautiful, and eventually we just drove on a one lane, windy rode that rose up into the cloud bank. After about 3 hours, I saw signs on the road for a nutella and banana crepe, so of course I had to pull over. I drove down a windy dirt path for about 3 miles and arrived at a hotel. I got a coffee and crepe and it was delicious. On our way down there was a sign that pointed to a waterfall, so we decided to walk over and see what it looked like. We were thinking it would be around the corner but it turned out to be about a mile hike down a super steep, muddy slope. I was wearing jeans and flip flops, and ended up taking my flip flops off, and just walking down barefoot, squishing my toes in the mud. It was so pretty and fun and the waterfall, when we finally arrived, was beautiful. It was an adventure, though my feet were quite gross at the end of it. Nothing a little water can't cure. Back up was a little more challenging, but it was all good fun.

We got to the hotel mid afternoon and then went to check out some hot springs. The hot springs ended up being at a really, really nice resort so they were unlike one's I've been to before. There were different pools and even a water slide. It was raining for most of the time too so the contrast was nice. They sold two day passes so the next day we went back at night which was even cooler. It wasn't raining but you could here the rain forest noises, and I even got to see a few stars through a small break in the clouds. To start off the second day we went to a place called the hanging bridges. It was probably another 10 miles up the road, and it passed by this beautiful lake that supposedly has perfect views of the volcano, but the view of the fog bank was nice as well- kinda ha. The hanging bridges was a two mile walk through the rain forest, over several suspended bridges. And boy did it rain, but it is amazing how much the canopy is like a big umbrella. The rain mutes so many noises, and puts a lot of the animals asleep but it is also very peaceful. After I had this delicious drink called agua dulce which i love and went to the supermarket to buy some to bring back with me.

We were going to visit another waterfall but Jorge doesn't have the best sense of direction. We turned down the incorrect dirt road and didn't realize it for about 5 miles. It was ok though, and raining anyway. I felt like such a nerd, because I totally ended up talking about my Theory of Knowledge class and the 'ways of knowing'. It was pretty funny but I've always been good about choosing friends who talk about the same type of stuff. The more I traveled through Costa Rica, the more I saw how developed and progressive it was. There are people with money here, both foreigners and Costa Ricans. I'm sure there are poor areas of Costa Rica, but as a tourist I did not pass through them. I also noticed that Costa Rica is much more 'white' than Honduras or other areas. Even native Costa Rican's have whiter skin, not including the foreigners that live here. I don't know if it is strange to notice such things or not. That would make sense though looking at its history, because when the Europeans colonized central america, there was a very small native influence in the area, allowing almost complete European colonization. So far I've enjoyed my stay, though I am missing the kids! It'll be good to be back soon :)

Costa Rican Rainbows

I am safe in Costa Rica! My friend from a college meeting, Jorge, came to pick me up and we headed back to his house. I was getting nervous in the air plane, thinking what if he didn't come! What was I going to do? But all went according to plan. We went to his grandfathers house first to pick up the car that I would be driving around for the rest of the trip. Since he doesn't have his licence yet, I am the primary driver. The car of course has to be a very nice car which is also stick shift. I am so scared something will happen to it while I'm driving. Especially getting used to Costa Rican driving (which is much better than Honduran, thank god, but still a challenge). I made it up the enormous hill where he lives, and when I stepped out I looked at the view and it was absolutely incredible. From his house you can see all of San Jose, and at that moment a perfect rainbow was arched over the city. The houses stretched in both directions, and the clouds clumped in random places as the sun streamed down. It was so pretty. At night all of the lights glitter far below you. Jorge's family is very nice and are taking very good care of me. I appreciate their hospitality so much. We just relaxed for the rest of the day because I was exhausted from my 14 hour plane ride (which went from LA to New York, down to Orlando and then finally Costa Rica).

This morning I slept in, and then Jorge and I headed over to the Volcano Irazu. I got go take another try at driving, this time for about 40 minutes, and I think I'm getting the hang of it. The one way streets are slightly confusing but GPS is an amazing navigation system. I drove up the mountain and half way up we entered a cloud. It seemed like it was misting but really it was just the water from the cloud hitting the windshield. When we got to the top, we were still in the cloud and couldn't see anything. I had resigned myself to not being able to see the Volcano, but we got out to walk along the edge so at least I could say I had been to the top, even though we couldn't see. The cloud was so dense, but I was the ash fields at my feet and enjoyed the freezing air that wrapped me up in it. We kept walking along the border fence just to see how far it went, when suddenly all of the clouds parted and I could see perfectly into the crater. I was on the left side of the crater and as I looked down, a rainbow formed right over the pool inside the Volcano's crater. The water was a brilliant turquoise blue, about 800 meters down. To the left was a flat area with ash. It was beautiful. I could look strait out and see the tops of the clouds and even watch the next cloud flying towards me, reminding me of the dark cloud from James and the Giant Peach. It would engulf us for five minutes, and then pass and things would again be clear. We hiked to the highest point where supposedly on clear days you can see both the Atlantic and Pacific oceans, and though we could see neither it was still a pretty view of the clouds all around. We stopped for lunch on the way down and as we were driving away, the most amazing, perfect double rainbow I have ever seen appeared right behind us. Since I was driving, I could only see it from my mirrors but it was amazing. I attempted to pull over but decided against it. It stretched all the way across in two solid beautiful rows. Someone is smiling at me. :)

Home

It was so strange going home. I arrived at the airport and my dad and Valerie were waiting for me, along with some of my best friends Carrie, Don, April, Rentao and Beckett. It was the best homecoming I could have asked for. We went and grabbed some Mexican food, which I had missed dearly, and then it was home. My bird had missed me, and later when I saw my dogs they were excited too. Of course my cats were indifferent but it was expected. I spent the time with friends and family and it was just a blur of catching up with everyone. Movie nights, games of risk, shopping, dinners, lunches etc. I visited school of course and saw all of my amazing teachers. Rancho is my third home ha. It was a really nice time, but it was odd too. It's difficult to explain in some ways. I felt like I was walking around with a pit in my stomach; a feeling that something wasn't quite right. It was as if I wasn't completely comfortable to be home, but at the same time it was as if I had never left. I fell back into my old routine, my old friend, my family, so easily. I don't know if I had expected all of my experiences to change me or the way I acted but it was odd how familiar it all seemed. I asked myself earlier if I will simply be able to leave Honduras and fall back into my old life- and it seems as if the answer is yes and i'm not sure if I like that. 

There is so much in the states. The roads are well kept, there are no huts on the sides of mud hills, no starving dogs running around, or cows in the streets. Life is so completely different. Not to say that there are not problems in the States, because there are many, but where I live and the life I am part of seems so much easier. It's strange to connect two completely different life styles into one, but this is how the world is, no matter if it makes sense or not. 

Copan

Despite our rough start, Copan was absolutely amazing. The ruins are incredible. We got up early to have some time to walk around them and decided to get a tour guide to show us around. Ethan and I didn't want to spend all the money for the guide, so we found another group to split it with. The group was 6 people, and they came from all over the world. There was a woman from Mexico, a man from San Salvador, a man from India, a woman from Finland and two men from the Ukraine. Such an odd group but it was fun. Our tour guide was very funny and did a great job about explaining in detail almost everything about the grounds. He had a very good laugh, and the other group found him absolutely hilarious and often began laughing at things that I must have missed the joke in, but hey. It was fun. What was supposed to be a two hour tour turned into four hours, but the time went by very quickly. We wandered through the ruins hearing the history, and it was so easy for me to imagine the king in his palace, the workers working on the intricate carvings that were in every area of the grounds, a market place in the center with people selling goods, a boy from the rural towns coming to the city for the first time, the sacrifices in the amphitheater area. Everything was so vivid. And then to imagine what it must have looked like when it was truly all built up, covered with stucco and painted. That would have been something to see. The day was beautiful and we couldn't have asked for anything prettier. There was a really nice breeze that when it ran through the trees, the leaves would come falling down like rain. I thought that was one of the prettiest things I have seen, almost like the old Mayan gods were whispering something to the people who came to visit. Copan was at the center of Mayan culture, and it was the city where the kings lived. We learned about the old dynasty's, the symbolism of their sculpture, and many more things. I enjoyed just sitting in the center of one of the old temples, soaking in the sun and feeling the breeze on my skin. It was so peaceful. They say that if you walk barefoot around the grass in the square, you can soak in some of the energy because it is a sacred place. I felt like I took in a little.

At about noon, we went to grab a little lunch and then went through the museum. I typically enjoy museums, but I think I was somewhat tired. After walking around a bit I laid down on a bench and fell asleep. It was quite nice. Soon after we took a cab back to the hotel and just rested. I read a good part of my book (which I love and highly recommend. It is called Mountains beyond Mountains by Tracee Kidder. It is about the life of a doctor who opened a medical complex in Haiti, and then expanded his organization to fight tuberculosis in areas such as Peru and Russia. It is extremely inspirational and has been making me think... a lot). We went out to wander around the city a bit more in the evening. You actually can't really call it a city. It is much more of a town. Copan is also completely different than La Ceiba. It is a tourist town if you ever saw one. It is clean, well put together, and their are almost as many tourists as Hondurans walking around. There are some more upscale restaurants, and shops are open until about 9:00, versus 5 which is when everything closes in Ceiba. It was kind of a nice change of pace. Definitely less active than what we are used to. We did some souvenir shopping and then grabbed some dinner at a delicious pizza place.

This morning we woke up late, I read for a bit more and then we went out for some brunch. We spent the afternoon in the central square, simply people watching and I hugely enjoyed that quite time of doing nothing. It is rare that I do nothing, but it did let me think. My mind wandered as I watched people. I wondered about their stories, the stories of the two little old ladies gossiping on the wall across for us, of the little boy selling ice cream, of the tourists that walked back and forth. I thought about the huge inequality that is everywhere, and the seeming impossibility of ever changing it. The unfairness of the ability I have of going to places like Copan for two days, flying home and then visiting Costa Rica before returning to La Ceiba, while most of the kids I work with and love might not ever have the opportunity to leave the country. I thought about the houses and conditions these people live in, and wondered how I would feel when I come back to my house. And then I wondered what I am going to do about it? No one would blame me if I go home, go to college, get a good job and help on my spare time. In fact I would be praised for it. But will I be able to live with that? In a way, will I be able to forget everything, and be okay with living my privileged american life? I honestly don't know. What bothers me is that I think I might be. Just things to think about and wonder and ponder. I came back to reality as it was time to head to the bus and catch a ride back to San Pedro Sula. Thankfully, the ride was uneventful and I was picked up by Lenner, the nicest man in the world, and am staying in the Hilton ready to catch my plane tomorrow. I shall see many of you shortly!

Travel is awesome...

A complete fiasco, might be a good way to describe today. Someone or something did not want us to come to Copan tonight, but we made it anyways. Ethan is officially leaving on the 9th of January, so before he left he wanted to see Copan. Copan is about a 7 hour trip from La Ceiba if all goes well, where one of the center hubs of Mayan culture used to be. We decided to take a bus on Sunday (today) to go over there, stay two nights and then head back. I would stop in San Pedro Sula to catch my flight and Ethan would keep going to La Ceiba. 

Our adventure started out last night when Ethan got a sudden high fever that lasted about 4 hours. It was very strange and we knew that we couldn't go in the morning if he still had it. Somehow the fever cleared up that night and he was perfect in the morning. So away we went to the bus station, hoping to catch the nine o clock Mirna bus. We had several choices for buses. The first was Hedman Alas, which is a luxury coach bus but would cost us more. Thinking we could save some money, we opted for Mirna, which supposedly leaves every hour on the hour. Our next choice was what time to leave. We wanted to catch the 1:00 bus out of San Pedro Sula to Copan. We figured we would risk the 9 o clock bus and still arrive in plenty of time, and if we didn't quite make it there was still a bus at 2:00. All would be well. When we got to the bus station, we discovered that there was not a 9 o clock bus as we had been told, but the next bus would come at 10 30. Well shoot. I guess there wasn't really anything we could do about that. Instead of waiting around, we took a cab back to the house to hang out, and then came back with some extra time to spare just in case. We waited outside on the curb with our bags patiently, along with several other groups who also had bought tickets, including a couple from New Zealand (as we would later find out). 10 30 came and went, and still there was no bus. At 11, our hopes of catching the 2 o clock bus disappeared so we settled for the 3 o clock. We would still be fine. I went into the station to inquire about where our bus might be, and didn't receive a strait answer. Oh, there would be buses coming at 11 30 that could take us. At this point I become slightly worried. I'm beginning to think that maybe we shouldn't bother going because I don't know another alternative if we miss the bus. The New Zealand couple is also getting frustrated. Just past 11 30 three buses do arrive, but every single one of them is completely full. They tell us we can come if we want to stand. Well of course I don't want to stand for a three  hour bus ride. I bought my ticket and expect a seat. One thing you realize when dealing with things like this, is that this really isn't the US. There isn't much emphasis on customer service, and there's no one to complain to. The New Zealand couple and ourselves finally decide to take a cab over to San Pedro Sula. It's 12 and if the cabby drives quickly we can make it in 2.5 hours. We find a cabby willing to do it (for $25 each) and start on our way, slightly disappointed that our attempt to save money backfired and we payed more than we would have on the reliable Hedman Alas. But things happen and we're going now. 

Unfortunately, we didn't go for long when the cab was forced to pull over because we had a flat tire. Awesome. We pulled over in a little Pulperia and looked at the tire and I was slightly terrified that we had been driving on that. Our driver jacks up the car to switch the tire out, but when he pulls out his spare tire it is quite obviously the wrong size. He puts it on, tightens the bolts but then shakes his head and says he doesn't have confidence with it. I figured that was okay though, because I certainly didn't want to be driving with that tire. He called another cab and ten minutes later we were again driving to San Pedro. Our new cabby was quite a bit speedier than the old, pulling out into the other lane to pass cars, accelerating and then quickly breaking to avoid hitting cars in front of us. All while texting and talking on his self phone.  I kept checking the clock as 3 o clock crept up, but it still seemed like we would make it. It would be close but I was pretty sure it would be fine. Or it would have been fine if the driver knew where we were going once we got to San Pedro Sula. When we told him the bus station, he looked slightly puzzled. I grew worried as we drove closer and closer to the center of city and he still didn't look like he knew where he was going. I think he was hoping to encounter the station on the main road. When that plan failed, he finally pulled over to ask directions. 3 o clock passed and we rolled into the station 10 minutes later than we should have. The New Zealand couple were heading elsewhere and hopped on a bus, and Ethan and I went in the station hoping that there might be another company with a bus leaving to Copan. Because if there wasn't, we weren't quite sure what we would do. 

We were in luck! We found a bus leaving at 3 30 for Copan! It wasn't the nicest but it was comfy. Once we were on we finally felt at ease. We would make it fine, laugh about our worries and have a good time. While on the bus, a clown came on to do a little skit then gather up some money. Ethan told me later that he was super nervous because he had heard of people that dressed as clowns and went on busses and robbed people. I guess we got lucky that our clown wasn't threatening. I nice man next to us gave us some tangerines, and we passed the time looking at the beautiful landscape. About 2 hours after we got on, the bus driver called to us to tell us we were in Copan. I looked around and knew that we weren't in the Copan we were supposed to be in. I asked, somewhat angrily, how this was Copan. Apparently, our bus only went to the entrance of the Copan province which was still an hour away from where we were supposed to be. They dropped us off there and continued in another direction just as night was falling. A few people came up to us asking if we wanted a hotel there. Well of course we didn't, we still needed to get to the ruins that day. There was one taxi there who said he could take us for $50. I attempted to negotiate down but couldn't do it. They had us stuck. We had to get there and he knew it. Also, taxi's don't like to drive to Copan at night because he was explaining to me that the road was dangerous and that sometimes drunk people wander out and get hit. I don't know. It was a slightly confusing conversation. 

We got in the cab and started off, and then stopped and for some reason the drivers switched to two young guys. Ethan and I glanced at each other. Uh oh. So sketchy. Neither of us knew where we were going, there were two young guys driving and it was night time. Scenes from taken kept running through my head. As we continued I became a little more comfortable, that was until the road got absolutely terrible. There was no street lights at all on a highway with random pot holes and dirt patches on it. When cars came in the opposite direction, there was a point where you couldn't see the road well and just had to hope there wasn't a turn. The road was so curvy and when the driver turned a hard right it sounded like the metal frame was touching the pavement. At certain turns I had a death grip on my waterbottle. Ethan and I both decided that we could add it to one of our near death experiences. And then it started raining. As we neared Copan we were pulled over by the police. They asked to see the driver's ID, the other guy's ID, and then Ethans as well. For some reason they excluded me. They seemed to be debating over something, I have no idea what, but  they did let us through. Finally we made it at 8:00 to the Iguana Azul, the little hostel we were staying. $55 dollars each and about 11 hours later we were there. Of course then we found that instead of two beds, there was one double. Awesome....