A little overwhelming at times

My  power outage lasted two night, and was indeed caused by an unpaid bill. I spent a night at David's beautiful house and was glad I got to say hi to his wife, Anton. The next two days, instead of spending them alone, I invited Denia over, and for the second night Nelson as well. Denia is 17 and Nelson is 16, so the two of them are much more like friends which is nice sometimes. Denia and I worked on some English and she translated several kids books which was really impressive I thought. We also saw the movie Tangled in Spanish, which I thought was absolutely adorable. We had lots of time to talk, and I took the opportunity to probe into her life a little more, or as much as I thought would be okay. I like to know as much as I can about people and how they live and have lived. I learned that her grandmother had 12 kids in all, with 7 surviving. 3 of her aunts and 2 of her uncles alll live close by in the houses near the jungle school. Almost the entire family is together in a little community. Her mother died four years ago, but Denia doesn't know from what. Her father was never a part of her life. She is the oldest of four siblings, but each of her brothers and sisters (besides Paola and Paco) had a different father. She told me that is how it is most the time. With her aunts who live with her, each has kids of their own and that is how it is. They keep it a secret. Her aunt Yessenia had epilepsy, so she is unable to work. Her aunt Glenda has a one year old she needs to care for, so she can't work. They are supported by money that two of her uncles give to her grandmother, and by whatever David can supply to them. She is in school right now and at the top of her class. She has always told me she wants to be a doctor, but I asked what school she wanted to go to, she shook her head and told me that she probably won't get the chance. She will have to get a job to be the only one working in the family. She likes school, but after her two years the she has left, that's most likely it.

I've been wondering a lot what I'm here for. What am I accomplishing? I'm not really teaching English. I'm no teacher. The activities I arange for theh kids, how will they really help? I try really hard, but it's almost impossible to see any difference. It's frustrating at times, when you don't really know if your helping or hindering more. I want to be of use and measure my success in some quantifiable way, but the whole nature of my experienc makes that impossible. More than anything, I'm just hanging out with the kids. Someone told me to just soak in the experience and take as much in as I can. Maybe that's what I should focus on doing, and not put to much pressure on myself to be the perfect teacher. I should be assessing needs and trying to open a window into the lives of most of the worlds population. I need to see what they need and how to help. Is it better to offer opportuinities for a few to exit from poverty? Or to accept that most people will continue to live as they always have, and provide services to them to ease the pain of their lives? It's an interesting quesiton.

I don't know, but I'm exhausted. Today was quite tiring, and I can't really even point to what we did. Classes were in the morning, followed by lunch, nap and then assisting with computer classes. A new volunteer came yesterday, so I've been showing her around. I'm glad she's here so I'm no longer all alone. I think it's a bit overwhelming for her right now, but I hope that she will like it! She's very nice so that was obviously a relief to find out. She says she's a little overwhelmed right now with everything, and who can blame her. I often still get overwhelmed. During the day yesterday we didn't have classes because I was helping distribute clothes and take siszes for the new uniforms for the kids. Each kid gets one set that they have to wash every night and let dry for the next day. I can't even imagine having to wash my clothes everyday and wear the same thing day in and day out. In the afternoon I did a miny lesson with about 8 of the older Hogar kids. It was a million times easier that teaching an entire class. I think I've decided that I like working with individuals a lo more than large groups, but the second is very necessary, because if they don't have anything to do, then they get in trouble. I am so glad I don't have to be in charge of discipline. Danelia and the tias have the hardest job in the world. 24 hours a day, being a mother for 22 kids who all have extremely dark or violent backrounds. They must mold them into people who can take care of themselves. I can't but help think about back home, and the difficulty that people have with one or two kids. It's crazy. I want to write about life at the hogar but am too tired to tonight, maybe soon. good night all